Parenting styles
" Differences in parenting styles are a problem for both parents and children. At the least, it invites kids to play one parent against the other in a smart attempt to get the answer that they want to hear. This is not the child’s fault. After all, a child is just using good common sense! However, it does create a situation in which rules are not clear or consistently enforced, which is bad for the child as well as for the parent.
At its extreme, a polarization of styles can occur in which one parent compensates for the perceived weaknesses of the other. For example, if the father is too strict, the mother may overcompensate by becoming more lenient. That may prompt the father to become even stricter as he attempts to overcompensate for her leniency. The result can be a very confusing world for the child to navigate—one that can set the stage for mental health problems in some children.
While parents do not have to be identical in parenting styles, they should agree to discuss matters between them and come to an agreement about what to tell the child. This may require compromise between the adults, before even beginning to involve the child.
To help parents find a successful middle ground, or in the case of single parents, to understand where they may want to modify their own style, it is helpful for them both to take a parenting course, or to at least read and discuss the Parent’s Guide. Many parents have taken an Active Parenting course and then shared what they learned with their partners. Often, the partner then wants to take the course, too. The goal is not to parent identically, but to find common ground and to learn to support each other as well as the children. "
-Michael H. Popkin, Ph.D.
A parenting style is a psychological construct representing standard strategies that parents use in their child rearing. The quality of parenting can be more essential than the quantity of time spent with the child. ... Parenting styles are the representation of how parents respond to and make demands on their children. (Parenting styles - Wikipedia)
There are 4 parenting styles. Each one is characterized by parents actions that show how they react to certain situations and how they take the control under their kids.
Authoritarian
"I am the parent, I am the one who knows"
"My children should not say a word, they shoud be quiet and listen what I say"
If those sentences seem familiar to you, you might probably be authoritarian.
This parenting style is strongly related to the ancient era, where kings and queens reign. It was popular because people used to think that everyone should obey without arguing.
This type of parent are not interested in their child opinions or negotiating with them.
"Children who grow up with strict authoritarian parents tend to follow rules much of the time. But, their obedience comes at a price.
Children of authoritarian parents are at a higher risk of developing self-esteem problems because their opinions aren't valued.
They may also become hostile or aggressive. Rather than think about how to do things better in the future, they often focus on the anger they feel toward their parents. Since authoritarian parents are often strict, their children may grow to become good liars in an effort to avoid punishment." (4 Types of Parenting Styles and Their Effects on Kids)
Authoritative
"We should work out a solution for this"
"Explain me how you feel" "What do you think we can do to help you with this problem?"
Those are examples of the phrases that an authoritative parent could say.
This second parenting style is the most recommended for many reasons.
It is known for having strong communication with their kids, for being interested in their child opinions but at the same time being strong in their decisions and consequences of their teen's and kid's behavior.
"Children raised with authoritative discipline tend to be happy and successful. They're also more likely to be good at making decisions and evaluating safety risks on their own." (4 Types of Parenting Styles and Their Effects on Kids)
Studies have identified four major parenting styles: permissive, authoritarian, authoritative, and hands-off. Of these styles, child development experts have found that the authoritative parenting style is the most successful in raising children who are both academically strong and emotionally stable. (What's your parenting style? | Parenting - GreatSchools)
Permissive
"Do whatever you want, at your own consequences" however, you are rarely involved in those consequences.
"Kids are kids, let them be kids"
This parenting style is known for not being involved at all in any of the kid's stages.
"Kids who grow up with permissive parents are more likely to struggle academically. They may exhibit more behavioral problems as they don't appreciate authority and rules. They often have low self-esteem and may report a lot of sadness.
They're also at a higher risk for health problems, like obesity, because permissive parents struggle to limit junk food intake. They are even more likely to have dental cavities because permissive parents often don't enforce good habits, like ensuring a child brushes his teeth" (4 Types of Parenting Styles and Their Effects on Kids)
Uninvolved Parenting
You don't ask you child to get accountance of his or her homework/school projects or any school related assignements.
You almost never spend time with your children.
You are not sure who are their friends, to whom they get along in school and who don't.
Children do not receive any guidence at all. You let them do and be whatever they want.
"At other times, uninvolved parents lack knowledge about child development. And sometimes, they're simply overwhelmed with other problems, like work, paying bills, and managing a household.
Children with uninvolved parents are likely to struggle with self-esteem issues. They tend to perform poorly in school. They also exhibit frequent behavior problems and rank low in happiness"
My own case
In the authoritatively parenting style there are more chances of progressing, of learning and growing with love and consequences. It is just as our Heavenly Father is. He is not permissive that we do whatever whenever we want, nor authoritarian that when making mistakes does not show love and support. He is concerned about us and about our learning. And that is exactly why He sent Christ. Because we were going to make mistakes, but there has to be an opportunity for us to learn from those mistakes and to keep going. When my step-father entered in my moms and my life, he brought a different parenting style. He was raised with high level of demands and strong punishment if he make any mistake even when he was just a toddler. This authoritarian parenting style is destructive. A clear example is when a child makes a mistake but he or she is no longer interested in converse about it. The child is afraid of the disappointment of the parent and this make it more difficult to have a strong parent-child relationship.
That same parenting style that my step-father brought is the one I do not want to follow as a parent. I want my children to have an opportunity to learn from their mistakes; knowing of the consequences but showing them support and love. That same support and love that my mom showed me when I made mistakes.
I found really interesting many online quizzes that will help you be guided so you can know what type of parenting style you have, in case you don't know yet.
https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/parenting-style-quiz/ This quiz is designed to help you better understand your parenting style. This takes most people about 4 minutes to complete. Take your time and answer truthfully for the most accurate results. (If both parents are available, they should both take the quiz and then compare their parenting styles.)
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