Don't you hear me?
Hola!
Hace un tiempo no he escrito, así que pensé hacerlo en Español. Mi idioma nativo. Me hace sentir feliz el hecho que pueda expresarme desde mi corazón hacia su corazón el día de hoy en este hermoso idioma.
El tema que tocaremos hoy, como dice el título es sobre la comunicación. Desde el inicio de los tiempos los seres humanos hemos buscado formas para comunicarnos los unos con los otros.
What, don't you understand? Oh true... I forgot! My bad!
As you see, communication and how you communicate your thoughts or feelings to others REALLY matters.
"Hearing" is an ability. Because, sometimes it is not only what is spoken.
There are at least 6 distinct types of communication: non-verbal, verbal-oral-face-to-face, verbal-oral-distance, verbal-written, formal and informal types of communication." retrieved from educba/types of communication.
"If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart" -Nelson Mandela
And this is why, my husband and I are studying Chinese, ASL and Portuguese. To make strong connections to people who do not speak our native language, Spanish.
That is also, one of the reasons why the missionaries of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day-Saints have to learn a new language in order to serve and preach to serve in the countries they are assigned to.
Then, in all societies this skill is important. It is necessary especially in our relations with others.
With our families, we tend to use all of the 6 types of communication: non-verbal, verbal-oral-face-to-face, verbal-oral-distance, verbal-written, formal and informal types of communication.
However, sometimes we can misunderstand what others say.
That is why David D Burns M.D. explained what is called:
The 5 Secrets of Effective Communication
1) The disarming technique
When communicating, we often focus on what we want to say rather than engage in listening to our partner. The disarming technique allows you to find truth in what the other person is saying. Even if the other person’s viewpoint seems illogical, self-serving, or wrong. This prevents further conflict from escalating. You might feel yourself getting defensive after a remark or critique. Take a breath and ask yourself, "Is what he/she saying true?" Engage in listening to your partner. Break the thoughts down into simple statements and ask yourself if you can see the truth in any of what they said. Finally, practice genuinely acknowledging this truth. And, calmly agree to take the next step in finding a solution to the problem, together
2) Thought and Feeling Empathy
Thought Empathy means understanding the content, or meaning behind their communication. And, Feeling Empathy is about connecting with the emotions behind that communication. Most noteworthy, Thought Empathy and Feeling Empathy both imply actively engaged listening. Essentially, listening to the other person’s words, thoughts, and emotions BEHIND the intention and tone of their message. Thought Empathy allows you to paraphrase what the other person said. Conversely, Feeling Empathy allows you to acknowledge how he or she must have been feeling given what was said. Thought and Feeling Empathy are not about repeating exactly what the other said. But rather, they are about trying to connect with someone in an authentic and genuine way.
3) Inquiry
This is all about asking the right questions. It is important to ask gentle questions about the situation at hand. This allows you to comprehend what is being communicated. By asking questions you do two important things. You clarify that each person understands the other. And, you invite the other person to share more about what it is that upset, angered, or concerned them.
4) “I feel” statements
This is where you get to talk about yourself and your own thoughts and feelings. Typical “I feel” statements are best structured like, “I feel _______ when ________.” Or, “I feel ________ when __________ because ________.” An example of this might be, “I feel loved when you take the time to look me in the eye when you talk to me.” Or, “I feel aggravated when I come home to dirty dishes in the sink or around the house because it is hard for me to feel peace when my environment is messy.” These statements can make all the difference when communicating with someone effectively. It makes the other person feel heard. Simultaneously, it gives you the assertiveness to direct the conversation to a possible solution. However, it is common for people to mistake “I feel” statements and use thoughts or critiques rather than feelings. Be careful about this. “I feel” statements should include feeling words such as, betrayed, angry, confused, upset. Or, other words such as, disappointed, hurt, excited, nervous, happy, or sad.
5) Affirmation, otherwise known as, “Stroking”
Affirmation or stroking implies you genuinely convey warmth, care, and respect even during the heat of a battle. First, stroking means that you convey the other person’s feelings or thoughts are as valid as your own. Rather than rolling your eyes or sighing when the other person is talking, you convey understanding. You act calm with your body language and gentle with your verbal language. Secondly, stroking entails treating the other person with respect, care, concern, and/or admiration.
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